Later today I will drive to the Temple in a likely swirl of emotions. I will leave my family behind for a four-day retreat, an opportunity that is a great gift. Yet I will be driving away from goodnight kisses, baseball and t-ball games, and chalk drawings on the driveway. Away from faces asking me why I have to go. I’ll leave behind my wife to pick up these pieces with grace and great generosity.
Sesshin, the name for extended retreats in Zen, translates as touching the heart mind. When I returned home from an eight-day sesshin last summer, the weight of this touching was almost too much to bear, too much to express. I wrote these words for my wife:
opening the door, seeing each of you, touching each of you, tears not from missing you [though how I did] -- but rising from a heart once, twice, innumerably papered over by each and every part of our rushing lives. a heart stacked upon by ten thousand necessities pressing down on a space deep inside. a heart now broken open so that the tears streaking down my cheek contain my whole life, falling onto the rise of your shoulder.
bussokuseki 
May it be a time of deep peace and insight for you.
Thank you, Don, for your visit and warm words. Peace to you as well~
So Lovely. I have reblogged you to Facebook. The tenderness you express so beautifully enlivens this work deeply. Warm Wishes on your spiritual process, the path to Light is One. Warmly, Tasha,
Warm wishes to you, Tasha, and thank you for your kindness and sharing the piece. I wish you well~
How lovely that you have the opportunity and resource for this type of retreat, and that you have a family that supports your spirituality. BTW, I thought of your poem about your daughter’s ear piercing the other night as I gazed upon my baby’s perfect lobes, thinking how weird it will be to one day see them altered. Namaste.
I am very fortunate and grateful for the support of my family, my wife especially, in allowing me the opportunity for this practice. And thank you so much for the compliment about the poem – it means a lot. Be well~
Absolutely beautiful, such a wonderful expression of peace and love.
Thank you so much, Dom, I appreciate that a great deal. Be well~
I have just returned from a 4-day sesshin and your poem was so timely. My husband, unknown to me, had arranged for a dear friend to build a beautiful teahouse/zendo in our garden while I was away. I returned and walked into the garden, where my heart broke open with many tears soaking my soul mate’s shoulder. Thank you for the gift of your poem and I hope you return to your family with love in your open heart.
What a beautiful story and wonderful gift from your husband. So happy that you shared it with me. Thank you as always for the gift of your presence here. Be well~
So beautifully heartfelt!
Thank you so much for your gift of kindness. Be well~
Your poem is perfection. Well written, and captures the re-entry so very well. Thank you for sharing it. Wishing you an excellent retreat. May your knees stay strong, and, in the words of James Ford Roshi, “if you’re lucky, your heart will break”.
Thank you so much – and if we could all be so lucky, indeed. Be well~